photo credit: bruce_bruce948
When we were young little girls, we had to ask advice/permission from our parents for every little decision in our lives.
When we finally got our first steady job and didn’t depend on them for everything, we experienced the bliss of being economically -if not emotionally- independent.
If there is one thing that I miss from being single it’s not having to ask for my husband’s opinion (read: permission) before attempting to make a big decision. By big I mean spending extra money on something big just for me. Like that time before we even met when I saved every penny for six months to go to Colorado just for fun. I remember when I made “the call” (my lousy singles credit card didn’t allowed me to pay for a $700 ticket online) I was sure the attendant could feel the grin on my face when I answered her greetings with “one ticket to Denver, please”.
Not anymore, baby.
A couple of months ago I bought a $450 ticket to go to New York for a week during the summer to renew my foreign passport, discover the city that Carrie and her friends have immortalized, and meet with some high school friends I haven’t seen in years. I decided to talk it with him before clicking the “buy this ticket now” button online. He was completely opposed to the idea and he didn’t want to come with me. His reasons were very concrete, being the strongest one “We can’t afford that now”, but I didn’t see it that way (I still don’t). I have a good job, I don’t have any debts, we don’t have any kids, and I wasn’t going to take any classes in the summer. “You don’t need a new passport now”. Which is true, I don’t really need it as I am not traveling overseas until next year. But if I wait any longer to actually plan the trip to see my family, then it would cost double to stop in New York to renew the passport for a day and then go to the Dominican Republic. “You are only going because you want to have fun”. Well, of course I want to have fun. There’s no way I’d go to New York in a quick diplomatic mission and miss everything the city has to offer to a young married girl with no kids, unless someone else is paying. Now is the time, I say.
After a long and heated discussion with both of us trying our best not to yell, hubby ended up saying, “Well, honey, I won’t argue anymore, you make your own money, so do what you think is best”.
Big mistake.
I don’t know if all married couples do this, but here’s a piece of advice: Never say to your spouse “do what you think is best” and walk away if you really do care about his/her choice. One week later, he couldn’t hide his disappointment when he saw the bill of our joint credit cards. I swear that as long as we live we will never have an argument about money where he will fail to pull out the “New York Trip” card.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband as I’ve never loved anyone before. He knows he is the sunshine of my day, the one I still have dreams of even if he’s sleeping next to me, the one in whose head I want to bury my nose every time I have the chance, the one who loves my food, the one I want to have kids with one day. I have proved it more than once; especially when I had to leave everything I knew just to be with him. By everything I mean everything: Family, friends, job, incredible weather, and incredible landscape. In fact, after my deep love for him, the reason why I was able and excited to live the adventure of a newly-wed at the most drastic level of detachment (which I’ll recount in another entry) is the same reason why I want to go to New York (and any other place): I am adventurous. Not the girls gone wild type of adventurous. I mean that I am not afraid of being in a different environment. It rather attracts me. I love the thrill of boarding a plane or riding to a destination hundreds of miles away; the joy of visiting with positive people; the eye opening experience of seeing new places; taking notes and pictures to show the future kids the cool places mom has been to; the cultural approach of new flavors, fashions, and customs.
He knows how I am. Heck, he loves that about me the same way I love the way he spends 10 hours a day sitting in his home office/lab developing his latest invention in a sea of wires and electrical waves. Some people calls that being just plain nerdy; I call that having passion. Just like my own passion for traveling.
And if I can’t be passionate about who I am while I’m married, I’ll slowly dry up like a plant without water.
So what’s going to happen when I have to leave in a couple of months?
I’ll get a week’s supply of drinking water, prepare a new stack of clean underwear, and stuff the fridge with lasagna, milk, hot dogs, and turkey burgers.
God knows he’s going to need all that while I’m gone.
About pnlop22
I really enjoy reading your writings. You have a way of connecting with how I’m feeling and it makes me feel like I’m not the only one who wants to venture out and continue to fuel my passion of travel, exotic foods, new friends and great conversations! I also love how you have a degree in business but you still want to pursue your passion of writing… I have been thinking a lot about this lately, now that I have my degree I have space to think about what interests me and makes me alive and full of life and just because I have this degree doesn’t mean it’s the only path in my life. Thank you for sharing your stories.