Finding social life after divorce

Whether you’ve been married for years and raised a family with your spouse or you’ve only been with your honey for a few months when you realize it’s not going to work out, getting divorced can really put you out of commission emotionally for a while. It has been said that in order to fully recover from this type of split you should give yourself about one month of mourning time for every year you spent in the relationship (including the time you dated or were engaged before tying the knot). Although recovery time will vary by the individual, you should expect that at some point you may want to wade back into the dating pool. But for someone that has loved and lost, so to speak, it can be hard to break back into this specific social scene, especially if many years have passed since you last attempted to pick up a potential partner. So here are just a few tips to help you jump back into dating after a divorce.

For most divorcees, the prospect of dating after divorce again can be nerve-racking. Many feel that they’re out of touch, they don’t know what’s expected, and that they’re better off staying home with their current boyfriends (Ben and Jerry). Some think that they’ll never find love again, or that a new relationship can’t possibly hold a candle to their last one. In short, there is some baggage that hasn’t yet been unpacked. But there are several ways to deal with the anxieties, insecurities, and outright misconceptions that plague the average divorcee.

A good place to start is with some moral support, whether that means visiting a therapist to work through the feelings of betrayal, abandonment, and low self-esteem that often accompany divorce, or alternately, getting a group of friends together to act as wingmen, so to speak. You will probably also field a spate of offers from friends to set you up on blind dates with all manner of people that are “perfect” for you. If you happen to be a relatively outgoing person you may want to take them up on these love matches. But if you’re still in a fragile emotional state, another rejection could do more harm than good, so you might not want to risk it just yet.

Once you’ve managed to get your thoughts and feelings in order, there are a couple more steps you should take to get back on the horse. First, go get a makeover! For many people, feeling good starts with looking good, so throw yourself into an exercise regimen, toss the sugary snacks that stood by you during your divorce in favor of some healthy vittles, and buy yourself some new clothes. Regaining your confidence is an important part of dating (and having fun in the process).

Now you just have to find that special someone. Again, you could enlist the aid of friends in this endeavor, but you might be better off putting yourself out there, and that means making the effort to meet people wherever you are. This isn’t to say that you should ask your cute BC divorce lawyer on a date after you and your ex have reached a settlement. But if you spot a hottie at your local coffee bar, don’t hesitate to say hello. And consider joining the modern era by trying an online dating service, which could help you to meet someone compatible right off the bat.

 

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