Pretty much everyone agrees that keeping a marriage together is hard work (as if finding your soul mate and pulling off a wedding that both of your mothers can live with isn’t difficult enough). There really aren’t any free passes when it comes to ensuring that the person you love is just as happy as you are in a relationship over the course of the months and years that will make up your lives together.
Why do you think so many people get divorced? The words you utter during your wedding ceremony (what was it – something about love, honor, and respect?) are a commitment, and you have to try to live up to them every day of your married life if you want it to work out. But of course, all the little things (the demands of daily life, minor neglects, and misunderstandings) can add up to one big problem over time. So here are just a few simple things you can try to make your marriage run a little more smoothly and ensure a lifetime of happiness for two.
- Never go to bed angry. This is one of those pieces of advice that everyone gets from their parents (or another married couple) when they tie the knot. But until you actually have a fight that extends through one very long night (in which neither party gets any sleep), you probably won’t understand the wisdom of plucking up the nerve to be the bigger person and apologize so you can both get some shut-eye.
- Be honest. Ladies, here’s a lesson for you. Do not ask if your outfit makes you look fat if you don’t want an honest answer! Fishing for compliments is not attractive (and neither are pantsuits – leave that trend in the ’70s where it belongs). And guys, you’re not doing your wives any favors by giving them lip service. If couples can’t be honest about the little things, how can they possibly hope to deal with more difficult confessions in areas like finances and feelings? If you don’t want to end up in a situation where you discover one day that your spouse has been out of work for months, burning through savings and racking up credit card debt, then start by being honest about the little things.
- Be understanding. We tend to have higher expectations for those that are closest to us, and when they make mistakes or behave in ways we don’t like we can be insensitive or even cruel in response (why do you think people lie?). So even if you don’t agree with your spouse, always make an attempt to see their side of things and understand where they’re coming from. It will enhance your relationship and deepen your love.
- Share love with meaning. How often do you say “I love you” or hug or kiss your honey and actually mean it? Every time you say those three special words, try to muster the energy to imbue them with the same purpose and meaning as the first time you said them. And forget about a thoughtless peck or a quick hug when you leave each day. If you want to keep the spark alive in your marriage you need to remind your spouse why you got married in the first place with plenty of passion!
- Consider therapy. Communication isn’t always easy, especially when it’s tied up with personal baggage and relationship woes that keep you from saying what you really mean. For this reason many couples find it helpful to try marriage counseling. Having an impartial third party to prompt you and play referee can help you and your spouse learn to talk to each other in a meaningful way that will improve your relationship exponentially.
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