The Importance of Keeping a Positive Relationship with Your Ex

Regrettably, the figures for divorce are high.  If you are divorced, or separated the children are always affected in some way. It is, therefore, important to try to keep an optimistic relationship with your ex partner and this way your child will not be influenced by bad attitudes between the two of you.

Here are some tips to help you through this difficult period of your life

You must never use your children as pawns to fight your battles.  Try to keep your relationship as positive as you can when going through the divorce procedure. If you and your ex have joint custody of your children, you should never talk badly of each other.  Don’t ask the child questions about your ex.  This will only make the child feel either disloyal to you or the other parent. You may well have had time to address what is going on, but the child is still trying to work it all out and may even need reassurance that the break up is not his or her fault.  When they have had time to consider the situation they will realize that your ex has not actually left them, but just cannot live with you any longer. .Keep an open line of communication with your ex as this is very important during joint custody hearings.  The interests of your children must come first at all times.

Don’t whine and moan in front of your children, even to friends.  The children are likely to have lots of questions to ask and will expect answers from you, so you must be prepared to supply them with the appropriate details.  Tell them that they are loved by both their parents and that what has happened is no fault of theirs. You may notice a change in their behavior.  This is just their way of coping with what is going on.  Give them time, and let them reflect.  When they need and are ready to talk to you, they will.

Furthermore, you also deserve a break, so make sure you give yourself one.  You are experiencing a great deal of stress and feeling guilty will not help either you or your children.  Take each day as it comes, and although it is hard, it is necessary to try to relax a little. You have to stay strong in order to take care of the children and be there for them when they need you. Your child is likely to talk to other children in the same or a similar situation and this is healthy behavior especially if they feel they cannot talk to you at first.

Divorces can be chaotic, but you can have some control over the situation if you try to remain positive.  Remember your attitude directly affects your children and they are the most important part of your life.

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