My Non-Bonded Twins

As the author of two books about raising twins, I hear numerous stories about the special connection between twins. Although researchers have yet to uncover any scientific evidence of a psychic connection between twins, their families often have plenty of anecdotal evidence to offer. In the book, Twin Connections: Stories That Celebrate the Mysterious Bond Between Twins, there are numerous examples of twins who seem to share an unexplainable link. One woman goes into labor, and her twin sister feels the labor pains even though she doesn’t know her sister is ready to deliver! A boy hits his head, and his twin sister gets the headache! And there are plenty of stories where a baby has sensed that her twin is in respiratory distress and has alerted the parents, thereby saving the child’s life.
As I wrote in the Foreword to Twin Connections, my twins share a special relationship. At four years old, they understand each other’s speech better than anyone else. They miss each other if one is home from preschool with an illness. But sometimes I wonder if these aren’t the same feelings that any close brothers might have for each other. I can’t say that I’ve really seen anything that borders on the psychic between them. Perhaps it’s because they’re fraternal and don’t share the same DNA. However, there are plenty of cases where boy/girl or other fraternal twins have displayed uncanny abilities. For instance, there’s a story in Twin Connections where a girl feels a very sharp unexplained pain in her finger. She later finds out it was the exact moment that her fraternal twin sister slammed her finger in the door!
Most of the time, twins love that they have someone who knows them like no other. As one woman wrote in Twin Connections, “Being a twin is a gift you are blessed with. It is the certainty of knowing there is one person in the world who truly understands you, fulfills you, gives you support and loves you.” I want my boys to have that kind of relationship. But at the same time, sometimes it appears to be unhealthy for some twins, who rely on each other exclusively and shut out the rest of the world. There’s a fine line between a bonded relationship and overdependence. So, maybe my twins have the best of both worlds—the closeness of having someone who’s always there for them, but the distance that allows them to be their own unique selves. They are twins, and yet they are two very different little boys. Bonded or not, they are both incredible just the way they are.